Ask yourself with compassion and radical honesty…
Do you find yourself continually returning to painful or destructive relationships?
Do you yearn for true connection in a romantic relationship but force yourself to be content with casually dating or staying with a partner who isn’t emotionally available or ready to commit?
Are you overly preoccupied or distracted by your romantic relationships, dating, or sexual and/or romantic obsessions?
Or do you fall on the other end of the spectrum and avoid emotional and sexual intimacy all together as a way to avoid feeling vulnerable?
Not only are these painful questions to ask ourselves but also painful to identify with. Admitting that you may have a problem when it comes to love and/or sex may leave you feeling ashamed, confused, and powerless. Let’s face it. We live in a society that doesn’t teach us how to have healthy, loving relationships. And many of us were not raised in homes that modeled that to us either. Toxic patterns, beliefs, and behaviors around love and sex can feel overwhelming and even debilitating. For women especially, these issues can feel isolating and are often misunderstood and understated in the mental health community.
Rise of the Feminine + Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Love and Sex Patterns in Women
We live in a culture where the feminine is on the rise. We also live in a patriarchal society that enforces toxic beliefs around love and sex. From my professional experience working with clients and from my own personal journey, I can confidently say that one of the biggest obstacles preventing women from standing in their individual power and truth is their unhealthy beliefs around love and sex, because of this patriarchal narrative. This narrative certainly impacts men as well (i.e., men can’t be emotional, only men can be addicted to sex, men need to prioritize career over love, etc.) but society positively reinforces these messages. For women, there’s a much more profound impact that sends extremely mixed messages and breeds shame. For example:
“You need to sacrifice yourself for a relationship.”
“You can’t have a career and have a happy relationship.”
“Being sexual means you’re a “slut”.”
“Love and marriage will save you and bring true happiness.”
“Being a woman and watching pornography is wrong.”
“It’s weak or needy to want a committed relationship.”
“If you love someone enough, they will change.”
Women are left with a confusing idea of what love and sex are and how to navigate this in their day-to-day life. Because these messages breed shame, they also breed secrecy. Many women struggle with issues around love and sex and no one is talking about it. We’re supposed to have it all together and play it cool. As a result, women can become addicted to love and sex (or the reverse and be intimately “anorexic”), which can cause distress and distraction in other areas of life.
It can interfere with creativity, emotional health, spirituality, work, paying bills, family life, friendships, and more. Because of these toxic cultural beliefs, some of us even use love and sex as a way to feel in power. The catch of this tactic is that when we try to use love or our sexuality as a form of power, we end up feeling powerless. This isn’t because we want or choose to behave this way. This is a result of toxic cultural beliefs around love and sex, our individual experiences of love with primary caregivers, and our personal engrained beliefs about love and sex.
As the power of women is on the rise, now is the time to begin to shine light on these issues and learn how to heal our individual wounding around love and sex. Not only will this serve to empower ourselves individually but it will also help to break the cycle around toxic beliefs within our family systems, our communities, and culture. We can start to set healthier examples for girls and women of the future too.
No matter what your situation may be, it is possible to heal and learn how to cultivate healthy romantic relationships and sex. It’s a matter of having the right tools, guidance, and understanding why you’ve established these patterns. Then you can begin to explore how to break free from the cycle.
Like I teach women on my holistic healing retreats, I want to now offer and teach you how to heal your toxic beliefs, patterns, and behaviors around love and sex from a holistic approach. If you’re ready to break free from the pain of love and you’re ready to feel empowered, I’m now offering three brand new, affordable services that you can choose from depending on your level of need and support. Whether you’re located here in Santa Fe, New Mexico or across the country, we can work together to help you feel empowered, wholehearted, and conscious in love and sex.
Why a holistic approach to healing issues with love and sex? I personally and professionally have found a holistic approach to coaching and healing to be the most effective and transformative. When we’re approaching our mental and emotional health, it’s profound to look at it from the mind, body, and spirit. This can be through various modalities such as breath work, art making, meditation, ritual, movement, and diet.
If you feel ready to break free from your issues around love and sex, here is what I offer to you:
Holistic Love + Sex Evaluation for Women
Do you suspect that you may have an issue with love and/or sex but you’re not quite sure where you land in all of this and what to do about it? During this 60-min session you’ll receive a holistic evaluation around your relationship to love and sex. Together, we will explore presenting issues and obstacles. At the end of your session, you will receive a custom resource guide to help you move forward on your path to healing. This service also includes follow up email consultation after our session.
Holistically Healing Love + Sex:
1:1 Coaching Package for Women
Maybe you already know that love and sex is a challenge for you and you’re ready to dive into more consistent, deeper work. This is a month-to-month commitment that includes three, 60-min holistic coaching sessions a month, via video call. We’ll work together to unpack the root causes for you around love and sex and start guiding you on the path to long-term healing. Sessions can include holistic coaching, meditation, breath work, art-making, and journaling. Clients will also have email access between sessions.
Holistically Healing Love + Sex: Coaching and Support Group for Women
Group coaching and support can be profoundly healing for women who are struggling with issues around love and sex. Find solace in a group setting with other women who are also on their journey to healing. This group will meet once a week, via group video call, for three months. Members will also receive access to a private Facebook group for support in between sessions, as well as email access to Kelsey.
Kelsey Ullrich, LMHC, CYT, and Holistic Coach
Why work with me? I get it. There are a lot of self-proclaimed experts on love and sex out there. What makes me different? First of all, I teach and coach not only from a place of professional experience but also personal. I too, once struggled with toxic relationships and behaviors around love and sex. Relationships that were abusive, neglectful, and even addictive. At one point I even believed it would be impossible to ever have a healthy, loving relationship. Through my own journey and healing I discovered the root cause to my own dysfunction in love and sex. Today, I am in a loving partnership and finally feel worthy of healthy, stable love. It hasn’t been an easy journey. But worth the work. This began with learning how to truly love myself. For the women who struggle with love and sex, I want you to experience this sense of liberation too. I want you to know you’re not alone and it’s okay to struggle in this life area. Most of all, I want you to know that healing is possible.
How do I know if your services are right for me?
Great question! All interested participants will be required to have a phone interview with me prior to committing. This is a way for me to see if this would indeed be an appropriate fit for you and your emotional needs. Here are some other things to consider…
Enlightened Love: Holistically Healing Love + Sex Services are for women who…
Are ready to do the work and make a change.
Have had some foundational experience in traditional psychotherapy.
Are interested in addressing emotional wellness from a holistic approach.
Understand that this is not a quick fix. True change takes time and consistency. There’s no doubt that there will be break-throughs and “aha” moments. But true healing is about the relationship to yourself and how much you put in. As with any relationship, it takes you time, attention, and steady presence.
These programs are not designed for those who…
Are struggling with an active, untreated substance addiction.
Are currently engaging in self-harm or suicidal behavior.
Are needing more intensive trauma work or treatment.